


The Worst Wizard

by timeforteaaa



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Comedy, Fluff, M/M, Magic, Swearing, Wizards
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 12:11:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10786503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timeforteaaa/pseuds/timeforteaaa
Summary: Jongin is an atrocious wizard, and Kyungsoo is his unfortunate, long suffering, foul mouthed assistant.





	The Worst Wizard

THIS WAS WRITTEN IN A RUSH FYI 

i blame socksmin for encouraging me on the evil website that is tumblr I DONT KNOW WHETHER TO SAY YOONSEOK OR KAISOO YOU KNOW BETTER THAN ME OK ;-; 

there is NOT ENOUH MAGIC KAISOO AND OMG I NEEDE TO WRITE BECAUSE  IAM HAVING SUUUUCH WRITERS BLOCK RN SO I POLISHED THIS OFF AND NOW IM LAUGHING AT MYSELF BECAUSE I HAVE WEEKS WORTH OF WORK TO CATCH UP ON BUT WHOOOO CARESS NOT MEEEE BECAUSE I HAVE NO PRIORITIESSSSSSSSSSSSS /mega thumbs up/ 

anyways my darling noodle skwad, hope you're all having a lovely time and if youRE NOT THEN WHY NOT DO I NEED TO COME FIGHT SOMEONE FOR YOU BECAUSE I WILL WE IN THIS TOGETHER OK THE SKWAD HAS EACHOTHER'S BACKS YEH. 

ahem. ENJOY THIS (hopefully) and LETS ALL CRY FOR ME AS I RETURN TO THE LAND OF REVISION much loveee <3333333333

(unedited poop, sorry if it ends too abruptly i only read through it briefly)

 

 

“Jongin…” 

 

“Erm… Kyungsoo?” 

 

“What the living and breathing  _fuck_ have you done?” 

 

Jongin grimaces from where he’s hiding behind his desk. He coughs a little and backs away when a bubbling pot of purple gloop lets out a poof of yellow, sparkly gas. “Well… I’m sure it’s nothing I can’t fix.” 

 

“Kim Jongin I hope you know you are the shittiest wizard to ever exist.” 

 

“Now now Soo that’s a bit harsh—“ 

 

“—JONGIN I AM FUCKING HALF A FOOT TALL!” 

 

Jongin winces and decides to peer over the edge of the table, only for a vial of mermaid’s tears to come flying at his head. He ducks, just in time, and the pot smashes against the wall behind him leaving a damp mark on the darkened wood. 

 

“Soo! Do you have any idea how expensive mermaid’s tears are getting these days? They’ve been  _refusing_ to cry since the water pixies moved in and started to play chess with them everyday!” 

 

“I don’t give a damn about the mermaid’s tears Kim Jongin, you need to fix me because I’m absolutely  _tiny.”_

 

“Well, you were always slightly small to begin with Soo—“ 

 

This time Jongin is expecting the box of fairy dust to come flying his way, and he manages to stop it mid air with an elegant flick of his wrist. Jongin lowers the pot back onto the table and peers at Kyungsoo. “See? I’m not that bad. I can stop things mid air.” 

 

“I am not small.” 

 

Jongin lets out a sigh and stands up, having decided that there are no more potential missiles in Kyungsoo’s reach. He sets himself down in his chair and looks guiltily across the potion stained work surface. 

 

Kyungsoo stands bolt upright on the worn leather seat of the opposite chair. He’s just about tall enough to rest his chin on the edge of the table. 

 

“Look,” Jongin begins, holding his hand out, appealing to Kyungsoo. “I know I’m a shitty wizard, but you’re the best wizard’s assistant I could ask for Soo. I didn’t mean you were  _small,_ I meant you were just a little bit tinier compared to me.” 

 

When full size, Kyungsoo is only a few inches shorter than Jongin. His mother was actually a very beautiful Earth pixie, and despite his father being a tall, strong human woodcutter, his mother’s small stature had certainly played a part in his appearance. 

 

“Soo?” Jongin tries, noting that Kyungsoo seems to be staring resolutely at the table top. 

 

Kyungsoo lets out a tiny, soft huff, before lifting his gaze to look Jongin in the eye. “I’m sorry.” He mumbles quietly. 

 

For a horrifying moment Jongin thinks that tears are going to start filling his eyes. “No, no Kyungsoo! It’s my fault, I promise. I’m the one that messed up the levitation spell. I’m the one that shrunk you.” He leans over the desk and uses the back of his index finger to lightly brush Kyungsoo’s hair off his forehead. “It’s my fault you’re littler than usual.” He clucks his tongue gently, the sound making a grin spread across Kyungsoo’s face. 

 

Kyungsoo gets a determined little expression on, and then steadily starts to climb onto the tabletop, using Jongin’s hand as a balance. 

 

Jongin laughs fondly at Kyungsoo’s quiet noises of exertion, smiling fully when the tiny boy has plopped himself cross-legged, just to the right of an old sleep potion stain. “How are you going to make me taller again?” Kyungsoo asks, crinkling his nose. He still holds on to one of Jongin’s fingers, tugging it close to his chest and wrapping his arms around it as he looks up at Jongin concernedly. 

 

“Well…” Jongin begins a little unsurely. He’s the ripe old age of twenty five, and he’s the youngest, least experienced wizard in his entire family. “I don’t actually know.” 

 

Kyungsoo drops Jongin’s finger in horror. “You WHAT?”

 

Jongin flushes sheepishly. “I don’t know what went wrong with the original spell, if I’m perfectly honest. I— I think… maybe some sort of growth potion? I don’t want to give you too much though in case you get too big.” 

 

“A couple of centimetres wouldn’t hurt.” 

 

Jongin frowns. “You are so very sassy today.” 

 

“Well sorry, but it’s not like some fucking useless wizard shrunk me to the size of a cheese grater!” 

 

“I’d say you’re a little bigger than a cheese grater if—“ 

 

“Jongin, shut the fuck up! You are really not doing yourself any favours today.” Kyungsoo glares angrily.

 

Jongin resists the urge to roll his eyes. “Please do stop swearing.” 

 

“I’ll stop fucking swearing when you sort out this shit of a situation I’m in.” 

 

“Soo it’s really not that bad—“ 

 

“I’m pretty sure I could find a piece of unicorn hair lying round here to strangle you with, do NOT test me.” 

 

Jongin holds his hands up in surrender. “Ok ok. I think I’m going to have to call Uncle Junmyeon. He’s the best potion maker in the family, the best potion maker in the whole  _land,_ and I’m sure he can fix this.” 

 

Kyungsoo sighs in defeat and tumbles over on to his side. He shuts his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Whatever. Just make it quick, I’m tired of the highly unattractive view up your nostrils.” 

 

***

 

“I arrived kiddies!” Junmyeon bellows as he sweeps into Kyungsoo and Jongin’s home. “Oh darlings have I ever told you how much I adore this little living arrangement!” He coos with a swish of his purple cloak. 

 

“Uncle Junmyeon!” Jongin grins, standing up to greet his uncle with a hug. 

 

“Honestly Jongin the idea is simply marvellous, I love the design.” Junmyeon adds. 

 

Jongin grins proudly. He’s pretty fond of his home too, built inside a centuries old tree trunk. It’d taken him weeks of practice to perfect the spell that would hollow it out for him, and even more to ascertain how to fit stable flooring. The doors and windows had come easily, and with a little bit more time he’d been successful in carving out a staircase and a fireplace. Most of the decoration and homely touches had been left down to Kyungsoo, who had decided that he was refusing to let Jongin live in a ‘stereotypical man wizard-cave’, and Jongin has learned to love the floral patterned tablecloth thrown over his coffee table. 

 

“Thanks Uncle.” 

 

“Now, we mustn’t waste time, where is Kyungsoo?” 

 

Kyungsoo hops down from his chair and tugs on the bottom of Junmyeon’s cloak. “I’m here!” He says, grinning up at Kyungsoo. Junmyeon is one of the few members of Jongin’s family that Kyungsoo properly gets on with. 

 

Junmyeon claps his hands of his cheeks. “My oh my, what has Jongin done here!” He laughs. “Well, fear not, because this little potion,” Junmyeon pulls out a tiny, corked bottle filled with an iridescent blue liquid, “is the answer to all of your qualms, simply drink it all up and—“ 

 

“Jongin! I haven’t seen you in ages, man!” 

 

Jongin’s cousin, the overly large centaur Chanyeol pokes his head through the doorway. 

 

“I’m babysitting him.” Junmyeon rolls his eyes. “Baekhyun needed a break. How he stays married to that thing I’ll never know.” 

 

“Chanyeol, I think you’re a bit too big to be fitting in here.” Jongin says warningly as Chanyeol begins to squeeze his way into the little tree cottage. Sometimes even Jongin has to duck to get around the place, so Chanyeol with his extra tall horse’s hooves will certainly struggle. 

 

“Nonsense! I’m fine!” Chanyeol says. 

 

Kyungsoo whimpers as his rear end comes perilously close to knocking a bouquet of fresh daffodils off the windowsill. 

 

“See, I can fit!” He bellows, tail swishing madly. 

 

“Um… Chanyeol, I don’t think you should—“ Junmyeon adds hands held up in anticipation. 

 

Chanyeol’s rather ample behind has got stuck in the door way and he huffs and puffs while wriggling from side to side, desperate to barge his way into the house. 

 

“Chanyeol, NO!” Jongin just about manages to shriek before Chanyeol is popping out of the door way like a cork from a bottle and tumbling straight into Junmyeon. 

 

“Chanyeol! I though I told you to stay outside!” Junmyeon yells as he picks himself off the floor and dusts himself off regally. 

 

“Sorry.” Chanyeol mumbles sheepishly, rolling around on his back with all four hooves in the air. “Hey where’s—“ 

 

“KYUNGSOO!” Jongin gasps suddenly. Chanyeol is reclining at the foot of Junmyeon’s robes, exactly where Kyungsoo had been positioned just a few moments before. 

 

“CHANYEOL YOU GREAT IDIOT GET UP RIGHT NOW!” Jongin screams. 

 

“What?” 

 

“J-jongin?” 

 

“Soo? Soo where are you?” Jongin yells, frantically patting down Chanyeol’s sides in an attempt to find his assistant. He strikes gold when he catches sight of the white sole of Kyungsoo’s shoe. 

 

Jongin all but shoves Chanyeol away as he dives forward and scrapes Kyungsoo up, patting his cheeks as frantically as he dares. “Soo? Are you ok? Oh my gosh are you hurt?” 

 

Kyungsoo coughs out a mouthful of russet coloured fur and looks up from where he’s being cradled to Jongin’s chest. “I’m fine… I think.” He glares at Chanyeol, who evidently is one of the family members he’s less fond of. 

 

Jongin continues to rock him gently like a baby, patting him down and checking he’s ok. 

 

He doesn’t stop until Kyungsoo thwacks him on the chest with as much strength as he can muster. “I’m fine, you idiot. Just get me that potion.” He adds grumpily. 

 

Junmyeon steps over Chanyeol with a frosty look and hands the bottle to Jongin. “Just drink this down and you’ll be back to full size within a few seconds.” He smiles warmly. “Sorry about Chanyeol.” He points a finger at the still floor bound centaur and Chanyeol disappears in a cloud of smoke. Junmyeon is also a master of teleportation. 

 

(Jongin is jealous. He can’t seem to stop poofing things by accident. Namely Kyungsoo’s favourite armchair, which he still hasn’t got back yet.) 

 

Kyungsoo makes a pleased sound from under Jongin’s chin and Junmyeon bows. “I’m sorry, but it won’t make you any taller than you were before.” He says by way of apology before he disappears out of the door with a flutter of his cloak and the words, “I must go and give the horse back.” 

 

Jongin chuckles as his uncle disappears and he sets Kyungsoo down on the table. “Drink up.” He says and he watches as Kyungsoo glugs the potion down gratefully. 

 

He seems to sparkle the same ice blue as the potion before slowly but surely he starts to grow. 

 

Just like Junmyeon said, it only takes a few seconds before Kyungsoo is back to his full size, finishing off his growth spirt with a  squeaky pop. 

 

“Thank fuck for that.” Kyungsoo says, shaking his limbs out to get the feeling back in them. 

 

“Hey! I thought you said you’d stop swearing if I fixed you.” 

 

“Yeah, well you didn’t fix me did you? You called Junmyeon, and Junmyeon fixed me. I’ll stop swearing when you learn not to be so fucking incompetent.” 

 

Jongin huffs grumpily, folding his arms and pouting at the floor childishly. He flicks his head up when Kyungsoo puts two fingers under his chin. “Why don’t you just stop being my assistant then, if it’s that much of a bother to you.” Jongin grumps as he makes eye contact. 

 

Kyungsoo’s eyes soften at the boy and his lips break into a heart shaped grin. “Unfortunately, Kim Jongin, I’m in love with you. Now the least you can do is give your husband a kiss for putting up with you and nearly being crushed by your oaf of a cousin.” 

 

Jongin can’t help the happy smile that plays on his lips or the flush on his cheeks. Kyungsoo looks at him expectantly and he finally leans forward and presses a soft kiss to Kyungsoo’s lips. “Better?” 

 

“Um, no. I’m expecting more than that Jongin, I had to  _lick_  Chanyeol. Not an experience I want to repeat.” 

 

Jongin laughs at Kyungsoo’s indignant expression, before he’s cupping his jaw with gentle hands and bringing them in for a deeper, longer kiss. 

 

Jongin sighs into the kiss happily, gentle pushing Kyungsoo’s lips open with his tongue. As their tongues tangle, Jongin discovers that the potion has a pleasing blueberry taste and it’s really quite enjoyable when mixed with Kyungsoo’s gorgeous lips. 

 

Jongin’s hands are just starting to slide down Kyungsoo’s shoulders when Kyungsoo pulls away, their lips detaching with a small suction. “Whoa there tiger.” Kyungsoo winks. 

 

“Aw, Soo! I was enjoying that!” 

 

“So was I, you idiot.” Kyungsoo laughs fondly, ruffling Jongin’s hair. 

 

“I’m not an idiot.” Jongin pouts again. “You’re mean to me.” 

 

Kyungsoo slides off the table and wraps his arms around Jongin’s waist, burying his head in his chest. “You are an idiot. You’re the biggest idiot I’ve ever known and you are easily the worst wizard of all time. But do you want to know a secret?” Kyungsoo whispers. 

 

“What?” Jongin asks, curiosity dancing on the tip of his tongue. 

 

“I wouldn’t have you any other way.” Kyungsoo says, leaning up to boop their noses together. 

 

Jongin blushes shyly and looks down at the floor, all the while tightening Kyungsoo in his embrace. “I love you Soo.” 

 

“I love you more, bear.” Kyungsoo replies, delighting when Jongin flushes an even lovelier shade of pink. 

 

“Now come on,” Kyungsoo says with sparkle in his eyes and a teasing slant to his mouth. “Come and remind me why I married you.” He grins as he pulls Jongin towards their staircase. 

 

“Oh please, you married me because I dosed you up on three barrels of love potion.” 

 

“That would be so much easier to believe if you weren’t so terrible at potions.” 

 

“I’m not terrible at potions.” 

 

“You’re terrible at everything.” 

 

“Actually I’m terrible at  _most_  things. Though there’s one thing I’m particularly good at…” 

 

“I demand a demonstration.” 

 

“My pleasure. Your pleasure, to be truthful.” 

 

And with that, the bedroom door swings shut and its just another day in the Kim household. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SIKE y'all thought they were just wizard and assitant

BUT YOU WAS WRROOONNNGGGGGGGGG

 

 

 

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**Author's Note:**

> cross posted from asianfanfics (timefortea)!!!!


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